


The One

by Wonderaus



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: A TO BOYZ, Also inspired by Taylor Swift The 1, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternative Universe - Wonderaus Cinematic Universe, Angst, Break Up, Fluff, Inspired by Younghoon A TO BOYZ, M/M, Mentioned Lee Juyeon (The Boyz), Mentions of Jealousy, Mentions of Violence, Milju, Romance, angst without happy ending, bbangmil, bbangmil fall in love, endgame milju, jaehyun is still in love with juyeon, no happy ending, remember NOT happy ending, say something, still cute though, yes i put that in caps and first so you're warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 11:46:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30004380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wonderaus/pseuds/Wonderaus
Summary: 'We were something, don't you think so? Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool. But if my wishes came true, it would've been you. In my defense, I have none for never leaving well enough alone, but it would've been fun, if you would've been the one"Or: Younghoon and Jaehyun fall in love in college, but Jaehyun's still in love with Juyeon.[Related to my previous work 'Under the Bleachers']
Relationships: Kim Younghoon/Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	The One

**Author's Note:**

> The same way I did with my fic 'Under the Bleachers', since this is in the same universe, I want to dedicate this to my own universal beings 🌙 & ☀️.
> 
> Although this story can be read on its own (be warned, again, that it does NOT have a happy ending), it happens in the same universe as my previous work 'Under the Bleachers', so if you'd like to read that one first to get a grasp of the whole universe, then you are welcome to do so. If not, I hope you enjoy this one, too.

‘ _Dear Jaehyun, how are you? I’m doing good, I’m on some new shit. Been saying ‘yes’ instead of ‘no’. I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn’t, though. I guess you never know, and if you wanted me you really should’ve showed. But if you never bleed, you’re never gonna grow, and it’s alright now._

_But we were something, don’t you think so? Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool. And if my wishes came true, it would’ve been you. In my defense, I have none for never leaving well enough alone. But it would’ve been fun if you would’ve been the one._

_I persist and resist the temptation to ask you if one thing had been different, would everything be different today?_

_We were something don’t you think so? And it would’ve been sweet if it could’ve been me. In my defense, I have none for digging up the grave another time, but it would’ve been fun, if you would’ve been the one._

_I heard about your engagement, and I wish you all the happiness in the world. I mean it._

_Love,_

_-KYH._ ’

Younghoon adds the paper to a big pile of letters he’s written but never sent. He knows he won’t send this one either, because there’s no point. He doesn’t want to bring up past feelings or sound like he’s bitter, because truly, he’s happy. All he’s ever wanted is for him to be happy, too.

So really, this was just his way to say goodbye, but he guesses Jaehyun doesn’t need it, so instead of storing it somewhere, he picks it up and burns it down, wishes it could take his feelings with it.

* * *

[5 years ago]

The night was dark and Younghoon had a bit too much to drink for no reason other than the fact that he had been fired from his part-time job and he wasn’t sure how he was going to pay rent for his apartment that month.

As a college student, those things shouldn’t be your main priority, but somehow, they still were.

So, after a few too many shots, he found himself bleeding on the floor, bent down over his stomach trying to protect himself from the kick that was about to hit him, again.

“HEY, YOU THREE!” Younghoon heard, and his vision was blurry between the alcohol and the pain, so all he could notice was a voice, two white trainers and the fact that whoever spoke was riding a bike. “STOP THAT BEFORE I CALL THE COPS” and Younghoon laughed bitterly at that, coughing and spitting blood, knowing that those words probably meant nothing to them.

“Why don’t you get out of here before you end up like him, bike boy?” one of the guys said, but Younghoon wasn’t gonna let someone he didn’t know pay for standing up for him.

“Go, I’m fine” he grunted, and the guys laughed at him. He wasn’t surprised, because of course he wasn’t fine, but what else was he supposed to say?

So, what happened next is up to this day still a blur in Younghoon’s mind, because one second, he was on the floor about to have his ass served to him in a silver platter and the next, this guy had ridden the bike so fast towards him that the boys who were about to fuck him up had to move away not to get ran over by him.

“Hop on” he told Younghoon. The guy was wearing a white cap, white T-shirt and shirt over it, matching with his trainers. All Younghoon could think of is how he was going to get blood on his clothes. “Come on!!” he screamed when he didn’t move, but Younghoon was still quite dazed. He still managed to get up and hop on the back of his bike before the guy started riding faster. “Hold on tight!” And Younghoon did, resting his cheek on the guy’s back and closing his eyes, feeling nauseous, but appreciating the wind against his face.

Spring was in full blossom, and the weather had been getting warmer lately, but the night air was still a bit cold against his skin.

The world was spinning around Younghoon’s head when the boy stopped the bike, a few blocks away from where they were before, once he was sure that the guys weren’t following them.

They still stayed on the bike, probably because Younghoon wasn’t letting go and the guy didn’t exactly know how to make him.

“Are you okay?” the voice said, and Younghoon noticed how soft it was. He sounded kind, but he guessed that someone who wasn’t wouldn’t have done what he just did. “Are you in pain?” but the answer came without Younghoon having to say anything, because a fresh wave of nausea washed over him, and he was smart enough to let go of the boy’s waist and climb down of the bike before he threw up on the side of the street.

“Fuck; hold up” Younghoon heard while he held his own body before he felt the boy’s hands soothing on his back.

“S—Sorry” was the first thing Younghoon managed to say after. “I got blood on your shirt” and the boy stared at him for a few seconds before he busted laughing, which Younghoon didn’t understand.

“Are you kidding me? It’s fine” he said, and he took the shirt off and used to wipe Younghoon’s face. “I’ll wash it later” and his voice turned softer the closer he got to him.

Younghoon held his breath when he got near and stood very still. He was almost as high as he was, which was weird because he usually was taller than everyone else that he knew.

He liked that.

“Still, I’m—” but the boy shook his head.

“Don’t be. Do you live nearby? My apartment is close, I can’t offer much, but I have a first aid-kit and warm water for you to shower, if you want” and Younghoon was not sure what surprised him more, the fact that someone was being so kind to him so out of the blue or the fact that he wanted to say yes even though he didn’t know this guy at all and for all he knew, he could’ve been a murderer.

Something told him that he wasn’t, though. Probably the fact that he saved him a few minutes ago.

“I live quite far, actually…” Younghoon said. “But I can take a cab, don’t worry”

“I truly don’t mind; besides, you don’t look like you can even stand still on your own” he said and Younghoon noticed then that the boy had him held by the waist to make sure he didn’t fall over.

He was right, though, every bone in his body hurt and he felt like he might be sick again, but he’d rather do it on his own rather than on some stranger’s home.

“Are you sure?” he asked just once more for good measure, and the boy nodded.

“I am” and he started walking towards the bike again, Younghoon limping by his side. Now that most of the alcohol was out of his system, the numbness he felt when they were kicking him was starting to fade and everything was starting to hurt more.

He was holding the boy’s dirty shirt in one hand and wrapping his other arm around his neck.

The guy was holding him and the bike as they walked down the street, probably guessing that Younghoon would throw up again if they got on it again.

The streets were quiet, only a few cars passing by every few minutes.

It almost felt like they weren’t in Seoul at all.

“My name’s Jaehyun, by the way” said the guy after a long while of silence. Younghoon repeated it out loud, as if to make sure he said it well, and it made the boy, Jaehyun he knew now, giggle.

“I’m Younghoon” he said and Jaehyun smiled at him. Half of his face was still hidden under the cap, the lights from the street casting more shadows than anything on his face.

“Nice to meet you” he said back, and they kept walking in silence until they made it to Jaehyun’s building.

He wasn’t lying when he said that his place was near, because it took them about ten minutes to get there considering how slow they were going to make sure Younghoon wasn’t hurt.

Jaehyun chained the bike to one of the posts next to the entrance and typed the code on the pad opening the door for him.

The ride on the elevator was awkward, but Younghoon guessed it was because they were still strangers, after all. And although he’d like to break it, he wasn’t sure what to say exactly.

Once they made it to Jaehyun’s apartment, he switched the light on and let go of Younghoon to take off his shoes.

“I’m sorry for the mess, I wasn’t… expecting anyone, to be honest” he giggled as if Younghoon would care when he was being nothing but kind to him.

“It’s fine” he said and tried to take off his shoes, but he winced when his side hurt. “Fuck”

“You can come in wearing them, it’s okay” Jaehyun said. “Come with me, I’ve got the first-aid kit in the bathroom” and Younghoon followed him inside, closing the door after him.

His place wasn’t very big, but Younghoon’s was even smaller. Considering he looked like he was the same age as Younghoon, he guessed he was also in college and struggling with it.

“Sit down” Jaehyun said and Younghoon complied, sitting on the closed toilet and biting his lip, savoring the coppery taste in his mouth as he did so.

He didn’t look at his reflection in the mirror as he walked in, scared of what he’d find.

“You don’t have to tell me, but… what happened?” Jaehyun asked, walking towards him with a box filled with products.

Younghoon wondered if he was in med school, because it somehow fitted him.

“To be honest? I don’t remember” Younghoon laughed and made a noise of protest again when his ribs hurt. “I mean, I remembered why I got shitfaced, but I don’t remember what I did to piss those guys off”

“Maybe you didn’t do anything at all” Jaehyun says, taking a pad out of the package and wetting it in peroxide to clean his wounds. “This might sting a bit” he warned, but Younghoon already expected it.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, but he still hissed when Jaehyun pressed against his cuts.

He kept apologizing, which Younghoon thought was adorable, but maybe it had to do with the fact that he was still not fully sober.

“It doesn’t look like you’re going to need stitches or anything, but you’ll definitely have bruises for a few days” Jaehyun commented, and Younghoon nodded.

When he stepped away, Younghoon opened his eyes to see him.

“Your clothes, they’re…” Jaehyun started, looking down and Younghoon did as well, seeing the state of him.

“God, I’m so sorry” Younghoon said, feeling not only embarrassed but also ashamed of his actions. Here he was, in a stranger’s bathroom, his clothes a mess of blood and dirt from the floor and asking for nothing in return.

“Don’t be, it’s okay, I just… You should shower first and then I can—uh… check out the rest of the wounds, if you want?” And they stared at each other for a few seconds, the tension in the room growing with every breath.

“Okay” Younghoon said eventually.

“Okay” mirrored Jaehyun. “I’ll go get you some clothes for you to change into” and Younghoon nodded, standing up and biting his lip, nervous.

He started to take his clothes off carefully not to hurt himself and had to hold onto the sink to make sure he could, so when he looked up, he saw the state of his face in the mirror.

“God, you had to meet such a good guy looking like this, stupid ass?” he said to his reflection.

He opened the shower and left his clothes in a pile on the sink, getting inside and almost screaming at the contact of the water against his bruised skin.

Jaehyun knocked on the door then, but the curtain separating the shower from the rest of the bathroom was completely opaque, so he couldn’t see him even if he tried.

“I’m gonna leave it here and take yours and put it in a bag” he announced, loud enough for Younghoon to hear, but he didn’t know what to respond, so he didn’t.

The shower was helping him to also wash away the rest of the alcohol from his system, feeling much better now, even if the pain was still there.

As he showered, he could pinpoint the most affected areas: his ribs, left arm and elbow where he fell, his knee and spline.

The scent of Jaehyun’s shower gel was sweet and fruity, and Younghoon smiled because even though they just met, he could tell that it suited him.

When he stepped out, he saw that there was a towel on top of the clothes and he wrapped it around his body and sighed, wiping the mirror to remove the condensation. He looked slightly better without the blood stains, but the bruises were starting to show. and they aren’t pretty.

Younghoon couldn’t stop thinking about how people would think he was bad news now when they saw him.

He kinda hopped Jaehyun wouldn’t, though.

He started to get dressed, but as he was about to put the hoodie over his head, he realized that he couldn’t lift his arms that high.

He tried, but eventually he gave up and, once every other part of his body was covered, he opened the door.

“Uhm… Jaehyun?” he called and saw how Jaehyun sat up in the bed where he was laying, waiting for him to come out.

“Yeah? Everything okay? Do the pants fit? I thought maybe they were a bit too big for you but—”

“I can’t put the hoodie on” he cut him off, his face the only thing that Jaehyun could see from the room. “It hurts”

“Oh, right, yeah, I’ll help, no problem” Jaehyun said and stood up, walking towards the bathroom, but Younghoon came out instead, because the mist from the shower was making him too hot. “Oh, shit” Jaehyun said and Younghoon noticed that he was looking at him. Or rather, at the poor state of his body.

“There’s nothing to be cured, at least not superficially” Younghoon said. He was scared that maybe there was something broken, but he figured he could always go to the hospital in the morning if he wanted to.

“I’m glad I found you when I did” Jaehyun said, taking the hoodie from his hands and getting it ready.

“I mean, I wouldn’t have minded if you happened to pass by a bit earlier” Younghoon tried to joke, but laughing made his sides hurt, so he stopped. Jaehyun looked sorry for him, and Younghoon hated it. “Don’t look at me like that, I’ll be fine. I deserved that, anyway” he shrugged before Jaehyun helped him put a hand through a hole first and then the other.

“Why do you say that?” Jaehyun asked once his head had made it through and he was fully dressed.

“I got drunk because I lost my part-time job, and with college and all I… I need the money, and I don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do now. So, I guess my best option was to get so drunk that I forgot about it and I probably went looking for trouble on purpose as a way to punish myself for that” Jaehyun had removed his cap then and Younghoon could finally see him clearly. He saw how kind his eyes were, the kind that would risk everything for those that matter to him, the kind that you want to protect, too.

“Well, you still didn’t deserve that” he said. “And I’m sorry it happened to you, I hope you can find something soon” and Younghoon smiled a little, nodding.

“Thanks…” he said. “For everything, really” and Jaehyun shook his head.

“It’s okay. Like I said, I’m glad I found you” and his smile was so genuine Younghoon felt like maybe that stupid ass night hadn’t been a total waste after all.

Or maybe it would be, because he was too scared to ask for his number before he left.

Jaehyun gave him his dirty clothes in a bag and told him not to worry about the ones he was wearing.

“They’re old and I never wear them, anyway, so don’t worry and get home safe” he said before they said goodbye.

Younghoon walked home that night even though he was exhausted, and his apartment was far, but he didn’t manage to get Jaehyun’s smile out of his mind at all.

He just hoped they’d somehow run into each other again.

* * *

Younghoon was sitting at a bus stop after class a few months later. The semester was almost over, the heat of summer sticking to his skin already, making him feel disgusting and in need of a cold shower when he got home.

At least it was Friday, and he didn’t have a shift at the café that day.

He was checking his phone when a bus approached the stop. He knew it wasn’t his one, so he didn’t even bother looking up.  
That’s why, when he saw a pair of familiar white sneakers step down, his eyes open wide before he managed to look up.

It had been almost two months since that first night where they saw each other, but Younghoon still remembered it. Still remembered him clearly.

“Oh!” Jaehyun said when he spotted him. He was hard to miss considering how Younghoon lifted his head as if someone flicked him. “Hey!” his smile was as big and as pretty as Younghoon remembered.

For two months he kept thinking about him. He wondered if he should go back to his place to return the clothes or if that’d be too creepy, considering Jaehyun himself told him not to bring the clothes back.  
The thing was, he wanted to, but he wasn’t sure he remembered where he lived, considering his state that night, so he never tried finding out.

“Hi!” Younghoon said, standing up because he didn’t know exactly how to act. “Are you, uhm… going to class?” he asked, pointing back towards where the campus was.

“Yeah! I mean, no, I’m… I have to go pick up something from one of my classes, but that’s it, I don’t have any classes” he said.

The bus nº45 left then, and Younghoon saw the one he was supposed to take was next, but he ignored it.

“Would you like some company? I have nothing to do today, and I still haven’t paid you back for everything you did that day for me” Younghoon dared to say and Jaehyun seemed taken aback.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t mind some company, but there’s nothing to pay back. We can split the bill” he said with a smile, and Younghoon couldn’t help but smile back.

On the way to Jaehyun’s campus building he learned that he was studying to become a high school teacher. Said it had always been his dream to go back to his town and teach in his old high school.

There was something in his voice as he talked about it that intrigued Younghoon, but he thought it was too soon to ask such questions, so he didn’t.

Younghoon told him that he was studying literature and they found out later that they studied in the same building, which neither of them knew until now.

After Jaehyun picked up the results for a group project, they decided to go to a bar and have a drink, maybe some snacks as well. It was past lunch time, and both of them had eaten already, so there was no point eating again, and it was too early for dinner.

“Are you from the city?” Jaehyun asked as they headed to the bar.

“I’m not, I wish, because that way I wouldn’t have to live on my own and would rely on my parents, but unfortunately, that’s not the case” Younghoon laughed bitterly. Younghoon didn’t ask back because considering what he said earlier, he guessed that the other boy wasn’t from Seoul either.

“How’s that going, though? Did you manage to find a new job after...?” he didn’t finish the sentence and Younghoon smiled at it.

“After I got fired and got wasted and beat up? You can say it, it’s a thing that happened” he giggled and saw Jaehyun’s cheeks heat up a bit. Maybe it was the heat of early June, Younghoon couldn’t blame him. “I did find a job. A few weeks after we met, actually. I work part-time at a café near campus” he explained.

“Oh, I’m so glad to hear that! I regretted that we couldn’t stay in touch after that, because I wanted to check on you” Jaehyun said, and something lit up inside Younghoon.

He wanted to check on him as well.

He couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face after that.

They got to the bar and it was quite crowded, but Younghoon saw that it was because apparently there was a football game on.

“Oh, damn, it looks busy, do you wanna go somewhere else?” Younghoon asked, but he saw that Jaehyun’s eyes got drawn to the screen as well. “Or not?”

“Huh?” Jaehyun asked, snapping out of it and looking back at him. “Oh, I don’t mind” he said, and although he tried to smile, Younghoon could sense something was off, but again, he didn’t ask.

They walked inside and sat on the bar, asking for two beers.

The room was loud, and although Younghoon had never been a big fan of football himself, it seemed like Jaehyun was interested.

“I didn’t take you for someone who liked football” Younghoon dared to say. “Not that there’s anything wrong with it!” Was quick to add when he noticed that it sounded weird.

“I don’t like it that much, actually” Jaehyun admitted, looking away from the screen. “I just… we had a team back in high school and I went to pretty much every game, so I’m familiar with it. It’s been a while, though” and his smile turned a bit sad.

Younghoon looked at the screen when the rest of the people in the bar started cheering, and he could feel Jaehyun freeze next to him when the camera closed-up on one of the guys.

“On second thought, can we go talk somewhere else?” Jaehyun asked, drinking what was left of his beer in one go, which was a sign for Younghoon to agree.

He did end up paying for their drinks, but mostly because Jaehyun seemed a bit too out of it to pay attention, and they headed out and ended up going to a park near campus, sitting down on the grass.

Younghoon wanted to ask, but again, he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to or if Jaehyun would even answer, but the silence was heavy on his shoulders and he didn’t like that, because they’d been having such nice conversations before that, and the more he got to know him, the more he started to like him.

“Are you okay?” he ended up asking, and Jaehyun’s eyes looked sad when they found his.

“I am, it’s just…” he started but sighed, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter now” he ended, and his smile was back, as if he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince Younghoon. “Tell me more about you, please?” he asked and Younghoon already was having issues denying him anything.

That day, after hours of talking and after the sun had set behind the buildings surrounding them, Younghoon headed home with a new phone number on his contact list and the promise to see each other again soon. And that seemed to be enough for him.

* * *

The next time they met in person, they had been texting almost every day up until that day. Younghoon found that not only was Jaehyun caring and kind, but he was also very funny.

They had been busy with their finals, but they still managed to talk and check on each other, which Younghoon appreciated because he didn’t have that many friends in his class, always too busy with life and work to keep them. But it seemed like Jaehyun was different, like no matter what, Younghoon knew that he could take days to reply, and he’d still be there. He appreciated that.

It was a sunny Wednesday afternoon when Jaehyun walked into the café Younghoon worked at. He told Younghoon that he was going to come pick him up from work to hang out and celebrate that they were free and that the summer vacations had started, and Younghoon, of course, accepted.

His feelings for him were also growing, but he was trying to keep himself at bay mostly because he was pretty sure that they were one-sided. Of course, Jaehyun was nothing but nice to him, but Younghoon was convincing himself that his kindness was just friendliness and nothing more.

He wasn’t even sure if Jaehyun liked guys or not, although he had a hunch. Still, that didn’t mean that he would like Younghoon that way. He still hoped, but kept his expectations low, just in case.

“Hey there, I’d like an Iced Americano, please?” He said, with the biggest grin on his face as he ordered, and Younghoon tried to act professional and not start laughing. He followed protocol, asking for his name and if he wanted anything else. “How much is it?” Jaehyun asked and Younghoon shook his head.

“It’s on the house, you can wait over there” he told him and Jaehyun gasped.

“Hoon!” He said and Younghoon giggled, this time unable to say anything. “Don’t do that, come on”

“It’s already done, wait over there” and he winked at him, surprisingly satisfied when he saw Jaehyun’s face turn red as he headed to the end of the line to wait.

And maybe Younghoon’s cheeks burned too by seeing him.

The weather was already so warm outside, so Jaehyun was wearing a black tank-top and some black ripped jeans. To be honest, not the wisest choice considering black, and summer were a murderous combination, but he looked so good Younghoon thought he was grateful Jaehyun wanted to risk his life for it.

Younghoon finished taking orders for the rest of the people waiting in line and when he was done, he headed inside to get changed since his shift was over.

When he got out, Jaehyun was waiting for him with his drink and a pout on his lips. Younghoon had to bite his own lip to hold back from both laughing and leaning forward to kiss it away.

“Don’t sulk, it’s hyung’s treat” he said and Jaehyun rolled his eyes.

“You’re a month older than me, shut up” he spat out and this time, Younghoon couldn’t hold back his laugh. “I’ll pay you back” he said like it was a threat, but Younghoon was happy to oblige because it meant that they’d hang out again.

“Are you staying in the city for the summer, or will you go back to your village?” Jaehyun asked him as they walked through the riverbank, looking for some place with a bit of shade to sit at where they wouldn’t melt against the grass.

“I’m staying, I still need to work after all” Younghoon said and Jaehyun looked like he wanted to kick himself for asking that when the answer was obvious. “I wanted to go back, though, but was scared that I’d lose the job and might not be able to get it back when I came back in September” he added, and Jaehyun nodded. “Are you? Going back?” he asked this time as they sat down.

“I don’t think I will…” Jaehyun said. Younghoon was always careful when asking about his hometown, because he knew it was a sensitive topic for him. Jaehyun had never actually said anything about it, but Younghoon could tell from every time it was brought up. “I haven’t been back since I left. Kinda want to wait until I’ve got my degree to come back, for some reason” he said, stirring what’s left of his Iced Americano with the straw.

“I get that” Younghoon nodded. “Well, at least I won’t be lonely this time” and Jaehyun looked at him and smiled slightly. They’ve both finished their second year in college, and last year Younghoon was in the exact same situation. He had to spend the summer in the city to work and save money for the following year, but he had no one to hang out with on his free time. But he did now.

“Yeah, I guess not”

And Younghoon could feel it then, how his heart was beating so fast that it might get out of his chest and run one hundred miles in two minutes before coming back.

That night they went out to celebrate their summer vacations, and they drank a bit too much, but it was fine, because they had nothing to do the day after, and they deserved it.

“Try not to get into a fight tonight, yeah?” Jaehyun whispered against Younghoon’s ear so he would hear him over the music of the club they were at.

“Won’t you save me this time?” he asked back, not able to hide his smile when he saw how flustered Jaehyun got. “Or you just don’t want to see me hurt?” he tilted his head the other way, still smiling and Jaehyun looked away, lip trapped between his teeth and Younghoon almost leaned it to cover it with his.

“Just looking out for you” Younghoon read on his lips, because his eyes were fixed on them.

“Don’t worry, I won’t” Younghoon smiled and leaned in to whisper something in his ear, and he could hear Jaehyun gasp when he did, holding his breath. “All love tonight.” And he pulled away slowly, taking in every feature in Jaehyun’s face: how his lips were slightly parted, cheeks rosed from the drinks, the mole on his nose and the way his eyelashes were brushing against his skin from how long they were.

And it’s worth mentioning that it was Jaehyun who pulled him in, who kissed him first, who let himself be lost in the feeling, hands holding Younghoon’s face close and wanting to kiss him deeper. But he was also the one that broke it, taking Younghoon’s breath away with him when, with eyes wide open, apologized and started to make his way out of the club, leaving Younghoon there, trying to process what just happened.

“JAEHYUN, WAIT!” He screamed over the music, but there was no use. He knew even if he heard him, he wouldn’t stop, so he tried to catch him before it was too late.

They were already outside by the time he did.

“What are you doing?! Where are you going?” Younghoon asked, and the other boy was crying. “What’s wrong? I—”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, not… not like that” he said, rubbing his eyes and kicking a plastic bottle that someone threw on the floor. “Fuck” he grunted.

“I’m not mad, Jaehyun, look at me” Younghoon said, but the other boy shook his head, stepping away.

“You should be.” Jaehyun said, and when he saw that a taxi was approaching, he called it. “Get home safe, yeah? I’m… I truly am sorry” was the last thing he said before closing the cab’s door.

Younghoon watched it drive away, and he still didn’t have his breath back.

* * *

Needless to say, that Younghoon would not be able to stop thinking about the kiss or about Jaehyun for days.

He tried calling, texting and even wondered if he should come over to make sure he was okay, but nothing.

It made him sad because, above all, he didn’t know what he did wrong, or what happened for him to cut him off like that.

Although now that his classes were over, he had more time and picked up more shifts at the café to be able to make some extra money, and he barely had time to worry about him (he still did, though).

It was a Saturday night when his phone lit up with a text from him.

**Jaehyun [11:52PM]**

Meet me at the bus stop

And Younghoon could text back and ask which one he meant, but he knew. He knew because sometimes while he waited for the bus to come pick him up after work, he hoped they’d run into each other there again, but they didn’t.

He could also ignore it and not go, as a kind of revenge for him ghosting Younghoon for this long with no explanations, but he guessed he’d have his reasons, and maybe that’s why he wanted to meet now, to explain.

Either way, he was out of the door before he even considered not going. He went to the bus stop near his house and managed to get on the last bus of the night. When he got off in the university stop, he saw Jaehyun all the way across the street, in the bus stop he told him to meet, eyes closed and leaning against the glass.

The bus drove off and they stayed like that, Younghoon looking at him with the road separating them.

A car drove by at high speed, making a loud noise that made Jaehyun open his eyes, and they landed on Younghoon. The boy could feel his entire body react to it, to him. Jaehyun smiled slightly, but he looked sad, so after a few more seconds of holding each other’s gazes, Younghoon crossed the street and walked towards where the other boy was sitting.

The weather was hot, and his cheeks were red, but when he spoke, Younghoon knew it wasn’t from the heat.

“Hey, Hoonie” he said, eyes heavy and smiling. Younghoon was still standing up, trying to act tougher than he really felt. “Long time no see”

“Yeah, whose fault is that?” Younghoon couldn’t hold back, because yeah, he was still hurt. Jaehyun dropped his head and sighed. “You’re drunk” Younghoon pointed out as if it wasn’t obvious.

“Yeah” Jaehyun said. “I’m sorry about that” and he looked up again but looked away the second his eyes found Younghoon’s.

“About what? Leaving and ignoring me for over a week or being drunk?” and Jaehyun bit his lip, taking a deep breath.

“I’m just… sorry” he whispered and Younghoon didn’t want to give in that easily, but he still did, because he saw a tear roll down Jaehyun’s cheeks and that hurt more than anything.

“Hey, don’t cry, it’s—” he sat down and reached out to hold his face up.

“Don’t say it’s okay” he cut him. His eyes were blurry, and Younghoon wasn’t sure how much of this he actually meant. “It’s not, what I did, it’s not okay” he shook his head and removed Younghoon’s hands from his face. “I shouldn’t have left like that, shouldn’t have ignored your texts and calls, but I just, I shouldn’t have kissed you in the first place” and that hurt.

“Why not?” managed to ask Younghoon, although he wasn’t sure if he was ready to hear the answer to that.

“Because it wasn’t fair to you” he said, and Younghoon frowned. “I… I wasn’t in my right mind that night, and I took it out on you and that wasn’t fair, and I’m ashamed and I’m sorry. That’s why I left and why I’ve ignored you, because I don’t deserve you to treat me like this when what I did was horrible” he said.

“Jaehyun, it was just a kiss, you didn’t murder my entire family, what the fuck are you talking about?” he asked, profoundly confused.

“But it was a kiss that I didn’t mean! Or at least, I didn’t think I did, back then” and all Younghoon could do was frown. “I’ll explain everything, I promise, but, for now, can we just… stay like this? Here? As if nothing happened?”

And Younghoon wasn’t sure if he could do that, not when he had even more questions now than he had before he came, but he found himself nodding, trusting Jaehyun that he would deliver all the answers he needed and deserved in due time.

Jaehyun sighed, relieved and leaned over to rest his head on Younghoon’s shoulder. The other boy froze under him, not sure how to react.

“I shouldn’t have drunk that much” Jaehyun said, and it made him smile a little. He took a deep breath and managed to relax, sitting more comfortably on the plastic bench of the bus stop, resting his head against Jaehyun’s slightly.

“Why did you?” he asked, and the younger boy shrugged slightly. “Although who am I to judge, huh?” and they both giggled at it.

Younghoon was glad that he could feel the tightness in his chest be released a little with the sound of his laugh.

“I missed you, you know?” Jaehyun said. “I know I have no right to say it, but… I still did” and Younghoon did too, but for the sake of acting like nothing happened, he didn’t say anything at all.

And when Jaehyun asked him about work, he answered, and they fell back into a normal conversation, which Younghoon was happy about.

“I hate those buildings” Jaehyun said out of the blue, pointing at the apartment complexes that were in front of the bus stop.

“Why?” Younghoon laughed, although he knew it was probably still the alcohol speaking, but it was amusing. “What did they ever do to you?”

“They just bother me. When I came visit campus I thought ‘oh, I’ll live there and I’ll only have to cross the street to go to class, but they’re so expensive? And I get it, the view is great, but fuck that! It’s not fair” and Younghoon pat the top of his head, giggling. “Don’t laugh!!” he said, sitting up and lifting his head from Younghoon’s shoulder after what felt like hours.

“Okay, sorry, sorry, they’re very bad buildings, very bad” Younghoon said, trying not to burst laughing, and Jaehyun pouted, crossing his arms.

“You’re mocking me” he said like a child and that was it, Younghoon couldn’t hold his laughter any longer. “Younghooooon” he whined, which only made it worse, although eventually, Jaehyun started laughing as well.

“Should we curse the buildings for all the suffering they’ve caused you?” Younghoon offered, and Jaehyun nodded, still giggling.

Younghoon got up then and cleared his throat before he started yelling.

“FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU AND YOUR EXPENSIVE RENT!!” He said, making Jaehyun bend over laughing.

“FUCK YOU AND YOUR PRETTY VIEWS AND ACESSIBILITY!!” Joined Jaehyun, and to be honest, they had no idea how late it was, but it was close to 3AM and when they heard someone open their window to see who was screaming, Younghoon held Jaehyun’s hand, and they started running down the street to make sure they weren’t caught as if they were teenagers that just rang a doorbell as a prank.

After a few blocks running, they eventually stopped, to catch their breaths again. But as soon as they looked at each other, they started laughing again, not being able to stop.

“That was… the most fun I’ve had in a while” the boy said, still trying to recover, smile on his face so bright it could outshine all the stars if he tried. “I should head home, though” he said and went to take out his phone, but it wouldn’t turn on. “Fuck, I forgot it was at like 1% when I texted you”

Younghoon looked around then and noticed that they were close to his apartment, and looked at Jaehyun, the words caught in his throat.

“My place is close, you can sleep over, if you want” he ended up saying, and then felt stupid because he could’ve just offered his phone for him to call a taxi, but of course, he didn’t. “You’re still quite drunk” Younghoon added, trying to somehow make it seem like it was the smartest choice.

“What about you, though?” he asked and Younghoon shrugged.

“I’ll sleep on the floor. It’s not my first time” and Younghoon was sure that the other boy was going to say no, but he nodded, and they walked in silence to his apartment that was a few streets down.

“Sorry it’s a bit small… I wanted to find something else once I had enough money saved up, but for now…”

“It’s nice” Jaehyun said, taking his shoes off by the door. “Cozy” and he stepped inside, following Younghoon who was picking up the mess in the room as they walked around it.

“The bathroom is through that door, I’ll get you some clothes” Younghoon said and Jaehyun headed over there, closing the door behind him.

Younghoon found the clothes Jaehyun lent him months ago and brought them over, even though sleeping with a hoodie might be the death of him in this weather, but since the aircon was on, he thought he’d be alright.

He knocked before he opened, and when Jaehyun said ‘come in’, he did.

But finding him shirtless took him by surprise and he almost dropped the clothes.

“Oh, those are familiar” Jaehyun said with a smile, and Younghoon snapped out of it.

“Yeah, thought I might as well finally give them back” he said, handing the clothes to him.

“I told you, you didn’t have to” he said, taking them. “But thanks” and with that, Younghoon turned around and went back to the room to get his bed ready.

He took one of the pillows from the bed and a few towels to lay on top of and… that was it, really.

Younghoon saw in his alarm clock that it was 3:19AM and he couldn’t believe they were out talking for that long, but they were.

When Jaehyun stepped out of the bathroom and saw him on the floor, he pouted, but Younghoon didn’t know if he meant to.

“Are you sure you want to sleep there? Your bed is big enough, we can both fit” Jaehyun offered, but Younghoon shook his head.

“It’s okay, you take it” he told him, because he was afraid of his own feelings, especially if they were still trying to ‘pretend nothing happened’.

And so, the other boy got in bed and Younghoon got up to turn the light off once he was under the covers.

Younghoon found his way back to his new bed and covered himself as well, the house being cool from the aircon.

The only light in the room came from the alarm clock telling the hour, but once his eyes got used to the darkness, he could see Jaehyun was turned to him as well.

He wasn’t sure if his eyes were open or not, but suddenly, he spoke.

“Hey, Hoon?” he said, in a whisper, just in case Younghoon had fallen asleep.

“Hm?” the boy answered, and he was met with silence for a few seconds.

“Thank you” Jaehyun said, and when Younghoon asked ‘what for’, he didn’t get his answer.

* * *

When Younghoon woke up the next morning, it was to the smell of fresh coffee and food. He frowned and stretched, forgetting that he was on the floor for a second and hitting the back of his hand with the bedside table behind him.

“Shit” he said, making Jaehyun who was in the kitchen already awake turn around.

“Oh, you’re up” he said, and Younghoon squinted. His eyes getting used to the light in the room.

The thing about his apartment was that the only separation between rooms was the bathroom and everything else, so he could see him from the kitchen. It still felt weird to see him, though.

Of course, it’s not that he forgot that Jaehyun stayed over, but half of him was scared he’d dreamed the entire thing.

“Hey” Younghoon said then, sitting up on the floor. “Why are you up already?” and he turned around to see it was past 12PM.

“Making breakfast” he said with a smile. “As a thank you for letting me stay” and Younghoon groaned from the floor.

“I told you it was fine” he says, standing up and heading towards the kitchen to see what he made. His stomach growling from hunger, since it’s been many hours since the last time that he’d taken a bite.

“I know, still wanted to, though” he shrugged and offered him a cup of coffee. “Want some?” and Younghoon took it.

“How are you this… functional? I thought you’d be hangover as fuck when you woke up” Younghoon giggled, taking a sip from his coffee and heading towards the small table by the TV.

“I don’t usually get hangovers. My head hurts a bit, though, but I’ll be fine” Jaehyun explained as he brought the rest of breakfast over. Although it could almost be considered lunch at this hour.

“That’s lucky, I still remember the hangover after the first time we met… I honestly thought I was going to die” Younghoon admitted, and the other boy laughed.

“I mean, you had more than a headache that day, I’m afraid” and he had a point.

“Did you sleep well?” Younghoon asked after a while, and the youngest nodded.

“It was very comfortable, thank you” he said, and Younghoon could see he wanted to ask if he did as well, but still felt bad.

“The floor wasn’t so bad either, it was cool, too, so I wasn’t so hot” he offered anyway and Jaehyun smiled.

“Next time we’re switching” and for some reason, that made Younghoon’s heart skip a beat.

Next time.

After their first meal of the day, they decided to stay at home for the rest of Sunday, because they had forecasted rain and they didn’t feel like leaving at all, so instead they watched a movie.

Younghoon couldn’t help but wanting to ask Jaehyun about what he meant the night before, but he couldn’t find the words to, and he didn’t want to ruin what they got back now, so he was patient.

But Jaehyun must’ve sensed something because once the movie was over, before Younghoon could say anything, he turned around in bed, where they were sitting because Younghoon didn’t have a couch, to look at him.

“You have questions, right?” Jaehyun said, voice soft as if he wasn’t sure if he was ready to do this. “I… I’ll try my best to give you answers” and truly, Younghoon didn’t know where to start, so he started with something easy.

“Are you okay?” he asked, and it took Jaehyun by surprise, as if out of all the questions in the world, that was the last thing he expected him to ask. “I mean it, Hyun. Are you? Because the way you acted the other week and the way you acted yesterday… I just wanna know” but the boy was still quiet, looking at him.

“I’m… I’m fine” he said, not fully convinced. “I am, it’s just… I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a dick” he laughed, but it was bitter.

“Then just say it. I know you’re not a dick, so” and Younghoon shrugged, tugging at the sheets on the bed, because he was nervous.

“There’s someone I… I love” he gulped. “Or loved, I don’t know. We broke up, and it was mutual. He left and my feelings didn’t but… apparently he’s moving on and I got… mad” he bit his lip hard enough that Younghoon was scared he might draw blood. He didn’t interrupt him, though. “I was so mad, and we were having fun and I knew you…” and he closed his eyes and then Younghoon understood.

“You knew I liked you” he finished the sentence for him. “And you kissed me because… you wanted to get back at him?” but Jaehyun looked horrified then.

“No! No, that’s not it, I…” Younghoon could see the engines turn through his eyes, as if he was trying to find the words to say what he meant. “I know yesterday I said that I didn’t mean the kiss, but the truth is that I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t… feel something. Even if at first, I thought it was purely because I knew you’d kiss me back, that’s not… I don’t…”

“Jaehyun” Younghoon stops him, making the other boy look at him. “Do you like me?” and the question hanged above their heads like a looming cloud for a few seconds until the younger boy gave him an answer.

“I think so, yeah” he said, and Younghoon sat up in bed to hold his face and pull him close and kiss his lips again, like he’d been wanting to ever since that night. Since before that night, even.

Jaehyun gasped in his lips but didn’t pull him away. He was holding his wrists, keeping him close, kissing him back.

When they broke the kiss, they were both out of breath, but Younghoon wanted more. He leaned in again, but this time Jaehyun pulled back.

“Wait” he said, and Younghoon stopped. “There’s still… you still must have more questions—”

“Jaehyun, I don’t care” he said, looking deep into his eyes. “I don’t care who this guy is or was, I don’t care because we all have a past, and we’ll all have a future. What matters to me right now, is this. You. Us. The present.” His thumbs stroke through Jaehyun’s cheeks, who seemed in awe with every word he said. “You can tell me all about him whenever you’re ready, but I know you’re not right now, and I respect that” he whispered, and this time, it was Jaehyun who kissed him, pulling from the front of his T-shirt.

And they kissed for what felt like hours, until their lips were red and numb from each other, but they were happy.

And this time, when it was time to sleep, none of them slept on the floor.

* * *

Younghoon hated many things: traffic, the humidity, how hot it got during the summer, peas, rude costumers, busy mornings at work, waking up alone… But there were a few things he loved, too.

Like this.

He just got off work after an exhaustingly long day. He checked in at 7:30 this morning and had shifts until 5PM. He was waiting at the bus stop, looking at the buildings Jaehyun hated so much and smiled thinking about him.

It’d been a month since they started dating officially, and Younghoon struggled to recall a time where he’d been this happy.

He was lost in thought when a bus arrived, a familiar pair of sneakers making his way to him and making him smile straight away.

“Hey there, handsome” Jaehyun said, wrapping his arms around Younghoon’s neck as the other boy hugged his waist, resting his head on his chest, closing his eyes.

“Hi” he said, still smiling, exhausted. Jaehyun’s fingers in his hair were soothing, and he thought he could fall asleep right there if he tried.

“You alright, love?” Jaehyun said and he just nodded. “Want a kiss to recharge?” he offered and Younghoon looked up straight away, making the boy laugh.

“Yes, please” and Jaehyun obliged, bending down to kiss his lips quick, and, when Younghoon made a noise of protest, kiss him again.

That, right there. That, he loved.

After they spent about two hours talking about everything and nothing on that same bench at the bus stop as they always did, they decided to take a walk.

Campus seemed haunted now that it was empty, but the parks and restaurants were still open.

They walked hand in hand through the grass, arriving to a fountain that they were very much drawn to considering how hot it was in July in Seoul.

August was just around the corner, and soon after, their classes would start again.

Younghoon briefly wondered what they’d do when that happened. If what they had would change or not, but like he told Jaehyun that day at his house, what mattered to him was the present, right now. If he had to worry about what would come next, he’d never be happy.

“Let’s make a wish” Younghoon said when they got to the fountain, reaching to his pocket and taking two coins from his tips at the café that day and gave one to him.

“Why would you want to waste a perfectly good penny on this?” Jaehyun giggled, taking it, nonetheless.

“Just make a wish” Younghoon said, closing his eyes.

They stayed in silence for a while, and Younghoon opened his eyes before he threw the coin and looked at Jaehyun.

He had his eyes closed and seemed to be asking for something really deeply. When he threw the coin to the fountain, Younghoon looked away and closed his eyes.

“Him” he thought. And he threw the coin to the water as well.

They walked by a bar and Jaehyun looked over to see the game that was being played.

Ever since they got together, Jaehyun had shared bits and pieces from his past as he was ready.

Younghoon knew that his ex was the football captain in their high school, that’s why he went to every game. He knew that he got a scholarship to the States which is why they broke up. In the States he became one of the youngest players in the league and quite famous for it. He knew his name and, even though Jaehyun didn’t tell him that, he knew he still loved him.

But Younghoon didn’t care, because he could feel how Jaehyun felt about him, too. But there was something about the way he looked when he talked about him, the way he sometimes would find him checking the news about him, just to check on how he was doing.

“Do you wanna go watch?” Younghoon said, making Jaehyun turn around to look at him, embarrassed that he got caught.

“No, no, it’s fine, let’s go home, I’m hungry” he said, and he pulled from his hand, and they went back to the bus stop to head towards Jaehyun’s apartment.

The entire bus ride home, all Younghoon could think about was how, although he’d never been happier, it felt like they had an expiry date on their backs, and it was getting closer.

* * *

The day Younghoon turned 20, Jaehyun brought him a cake to work. All his co-workers sang happy birthday to him much to his embarrassment, but he’d never had a surprise like that before, so he was happy.

He blew the candles and wished for the same thing that he always did lately, the boy smiling in front of him.

“What did you wish for?” he asked, and Younghoon smiled.

“If I tell you, it won’t come true” and Jaehyun rolled his eyes, annoyed, but Younghoon took a bit of cream from the cake and stained his cheek, making him gasp.

“Hey! I’m supposed to be the one doing that to you!” He complained and Younghoon laughed.

“Tough luck, love” and he kissed over it, tasting the sweetness of the cream. But it didn’t come close to how sweet his lips were.

His coworkers were nice enough to let him have the rest of the day off to celebrate his birthday with his boyfriend.

“I prepared something for you” Jaehyun said, as he opened the door to his apartment. Younghoon had said they could go to his since it was nearer, but he insisted, so as usual, he could never say no to him.

“Something else?” Younghoon asked giggling, because to him this was more than enough.

“Yeah! Close your eyes” Jaehyun required as he guided him towards the bed where he sat him down.

“Oh, I like this already” Younghoon teased and heard Jaehyun’s laugh.

“Shut up” he said, but his smile was still there. “Okay, open them” Jaehyun said and Younghoon did.

“Happy birthday, again” his voice was soft as he placed a big package over his hands.

“What…? You didn’t have to buy—” but Jaehyun shushed him.

“Open it!” he said, and so, Younghoon sighed and teared the paper apart, eyes opening wide when he saw what was in it.

“Baby, it’s like forty degrees out, why did you get me a winter jacket?” He asked, giggling, unfolding it and checking it out.

It was lovely and it looked like the materials were nice, too.

“Because! I saw you don’t own any, and the winters are very cold here, and I knew you wouldn’t get one and just wear like eight thousand layers instead of buying one, so, I did it for you” he said and Younghoon left the jacket on the bed and pulled from Jaehyun until he was sat on his lap and kissed him.

“Thank you, thank you, I love it, thank you” he said and Jaehyun smiled, kissing him quick.

“And I love you” he said naturally. It took Younghoon by surprise because he hadn’t gained the courage to tell him yet, even though he also knew from a long time ago. But Jaehyun didn’t seem surprised, didn’t act as if it slipped or anything, he just. “I love you” he said again.

“I love you, too” Younghoon confessed, even though there was no need. 

And he pulled Jaehyun in and kissed him deep, jacket long forgotten on the side of the bed, soon to fall to the ground with everything else that might get in their way.

“Why didn’t you just wait and give it to me for Christmas?” Younghoon asked hours later, feeling how Jaehyun’s finger went up and down his arm.

“It’d be too late by then” Jaehyun said, and Younghoon didn’t know how true those words were back then, but it wouldn’t take him long to find out.

* * *

August slipped away like a bottle of wine: sweet and dangerous at the same time.

Their entire summer had been summed up by late nights, dates in the park, meeting at the bus stop after work and kisses. But the end was near and Younghoon could feel it.

He was watching TV, trying to find a channel that was interesting when suddenly a football game appeared. And he stopped browsing and stared at the screen.  
Jaehyun was in the bathroom, and when he came back, whatever he was saying was cut halfway when he saw the screen.

“What are you doing?” he asked, and Younghoon turned around to look at him. He didn’t have an answer to give, so he just shrugged.

“Bumped into this” he said, and Jaehyun walked towards where he was sitting at. “Do you want me to change?” he asked, but Jaehyun’s eyes were already drawn to the screen.

‘L. JUYEON’ read the back of the shirt from the guy on the screen.

Younghoon’s eyes went from the screen to his boyfriend, and he saw it then again, that look.

“Jaehyun” he said then, making the boy turn around, and he saw the tears in his eyes. “You still love him, don’t you?” and he didn’t sound accusatory, because he wasn’t throwing shade at him in any way. He sounded at peace, like he knew. Because he did.

And Jaehyun did, too. That’s why he started tearing up.

“I’m sorry” he said. “I… I tried, I tried to forget him, but—” Younghoon hugged him.

“It’s okay” it hurt him to say it, but he said it anyway.

“I—I love you, too, though” Jaehyun said against his chest, and that he knew that as well. “Maybe I just need more time” he tried to argue, but Younghoon knew he was never his to lose, anyway.

“I could live a lifetime loving you, and I still wouldn’t be him” Younghoon said.

“But you’d be you, Hoon!” Jaehyun said, and it broke Younghoon’s heart. “I never wanted you to be him, I just wanted you” he held his face, resting his forehead against Younghoon’s, and he gulped.

“Half of your heart is enough for me, but do you actually want that?” He asked, Jaehyun pulled away. “When you think about your future, do you see me in it?” they both knew the answer to that question, and neither of them dared to say it.

“I thought you only cared about the present” Jaehyun said, voice broken.

“I do” Younghoon said and took his hands. “That’s why I’m doing this. I love you right now, and I know you love me, please don’t think I feel like you didn’t. But it’s not the same love you have for him, and that’s okay. Sometimes… sometimes you just need to find the one, and I guess I just… wasn’t it.”

The sound of the TV was loud but only because the rest of the room was silent.

They were still holding hands, both of them crying, not knowing what else there was to be said.

“You’re right, you deserve someone who will love you wholeheartedly” Jaehyun said, sniffling after a while. “And I’m sorry I couldn’t give that to you, but I hope you know I tried” and Younghoon nodded, pulling him close and hugging him.

“I know, thank you” he whispered, not sure if he would hear him. “I hope you find your way back to him, somehow. But if not, I’ll be right where you left me, or well, where you found me” Younghoon said, and tried to smile a little, because he didn’t want to leave knowing he was sad.

It would kill him.

“On the floor in an alley getting your ass beat?” Jaehyun said, and Younghoon chuckled, but it came more like a sob.

“I do deserve that right now, don’t I?” and before Jaehyun could say anything else, he got up, taking a deep breath.

The first time he came to this place, he didn’t expect he’d be right here months after.

“Wait, Younghoon” Jaehyun said when he was almost at the door. He turned around and Jaehyun pulled him in for one last kiss.

It tasted salty from their tears and bitter, like goodbyes should.

“Please, be happy?” Jaehyun whispered against his lips. And Younghoon smiled, but he didn’t mean it.

“You too, Jaehyun” and with that, he left. Leaving half of his heart behind.

* * *

[5 years later]

The snow was falling outside, and it was cold. The heating in his apartment broke down a few days ago and Younghoon still hadn’t had the time to call someone to fix it, so he threw on the jacket Jaehyun got him for his birthday years ago and wrapped himself up in it.

It still reminded him of it, most things did.

Every time he was waiting for the bus, he secretly hoped he’d see him again, even if he knew that would hurt even more than not seeing him at all.

He spent months hoping to hear from him, tried texting him a few times, even wished him a happy birthday weeks after their break-up. And Jaehyun was always nice, but they never met again. 

The sun was starting to set when he opened his eyes, having slept too long or too little. 

It happened sometimes, regrets keeping him awake for ruining something so precious to him.

They dated for two months before he broke it off, it could be considered a summer fling, but it wasn’t. Not to him.

He knew it hadn’t been for Jaehyun either, but still, it was short.

His head kept telling him “maybe if you gave him more time, he could’ve loved you fully”, but he knew that was just wishful thinking.

Younghoon graduated college but stayed in Seoul, trying to find a more stable job, but he still hadn’t been very lucky at it yet.

He missed Jaehyun, but truth was that all he wanted was for him to be happy. And now, after hearing on the news that football star Lee Juyeon was back from the States and engaged to his high school sweetheart, he knew that he would be.

Younghoon hoped he’d be lucky enough find someone like that soon, too. But even though he was alone, he was okay. He knew he was going to be okay.

But, for now, he needed to get the thoughts out somehow, so he put to practice what he’d learned in his literature classes: he picked up a pen and paper and started writing again. Yet another letter he wouldn’t send.

_‘Hi,_

_Today I woke up as the sun was going down. Because it’s so cold, I wore the thick jacket you bought for me. On the way back home from my part-time job, there’s the bus stop we used to meet at. You especially hated the apartments across the bus stop. Remember? The apartments with a clear view of the inner side. The fine inner side of the window was like a well-polished side of life._

_Looking at the front of those white sneakers, getting of from the Nº45 bus, made me smile immediately. Because I always knew that it was you. Instead of walking, we sat on a bench. Laughing and talking for hours. Like people who don’t care about what’s happening over the window._

_Did I already say thank you for loving me? I think I haven’t. The nineteen me who used to hate so many things, has turned into a neat twenty-five. It’s no fun, though. Every day I think about the unusual and fussy times I spent with you. Although I was tired and sick, I miss it._

_I miss you. I still love you a lot._

_-Younghoon.’_

**Author's Note:**

> First of all I want to apologize for the pain I caused because it hurt me to write it, but I got inspired by Younghoon's A TO BOYZ and all the theories about how it was connected to Hyunjae's one and I thought... i have to do something... and so I did bUT AT WHAT COST??????  
> Also I want to thank deobis for translating Younghoon's letter from the video so I could get inspired to write this.
> 
> I hope you still liked it, though. Please, leave comments and kudos if you did and let me know what you thought! Don't hate me too much i promise i'll come back to make Hoonie happy 🥺


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